Complaint against Burger Kings

Dear employees of Burger Kings,

first of all, I’d like to say that I enjoy visiting your restaurants. Burger King is really on its way to becoming a chain of nice restaurants with a twist. What I love about Burger King can be summed up in three points.

One, the service sucks. That means I won’t have to be polite all the time. I just give my order, wait for my food which takes forever so I reach the point where I nearly faint from hunger, and then I go and eat it. No small-talk, courtesies or thank-you’s, it’s just my kind of service.
Two, the food is never served the way I asked for it. This means there will be salad on my burger while I specifically asked them not to add the salad. I like that, so I have a reason to vent my anger about something. The soda has never sparkled, nor will it ever, which prevents me from burping too much. The fries are always half-cold and the sauce is often missing. Just the way I like it!
Three, it costs a lot of money. That way I get to display what kind of Big Spender I am! Student? To hell with that. Spend the cash while you have it. Excellent!

However, in the past few months, all has gone awry. Nothing’s the same anymore, this will not do! I enter a random Burger King, and what do I see? Friendly people at the counter, saying ‘hi!’ and ‘can I help you?’, and smiling! They take my order and they don’t mess it up! I get my burger without the salad! I get hot fries so I burn my mouth on them! (If I lived in the USA I’d sue you for that!) I get fizzy drinks and sauce! I only pay half the usual prize because it’s some sort of ‘King Deal’! (Sounds more like a Peasant Deal to me…)

Dear employees, I implore you, please, -please- return your restaurants to the good old way they were. I want the bad service, my cold fries and my distasteful burgers back. If this is not fixed within a month, I’m afraid I shall no longer be your customer. Hoping for the best,

yours truly,

Willow