It’s my 25th birthday today, so I figured I should give an update.
Birthdays always make me think of how old I really feel. I can’t actually call myself a girl anymore (though I still do), but I’m not exactly a grownup either. At this point I’m sortof in between everything. I have a job, but not a solid one because it could end at any time, and it probably will end after December. I don’t have a house but if I had that solid job I’d be able to move within a few months. My studies are almost-almost-almost finished, and they have been for the past year (I’m just utter crap at finishing things related to my studies). I’ve had seven driving tests (today was the seventh one) and I still don’t have my driver’s license. I’m even annoyingly in between boyfriends, or perhaps I’ve had my last one, who can tell really.
All of this is making me feel like I’m getting older way too fast. Time is running out (before you know it I’ll be 30! I hate 30.) and there is so much I still want and need to do. I haven’t accomplished enough yet by far, and the thought of all the stuff I have ahead of me can make me very tired or very excited, it depends on what my mood does with it. At some point I made an ordered list of things I want to do, so I can get to work on them (studies first, I’d say). However, my mind doesn’t work that way. I’m already trying to shop for a house while I don’t even have a solid job, and I’m looking for a new job before I’ve even finished my studies. Sometimes I want to get to the end so badly, that it makes me forget the road.
I know exactly what to do, but I’m afraid I’ll mess it up because I can’t help going a step too far. So maybe I should just try and stop any other activities and focus on my thesis, so at least I can have step one done by January. And then, perhaps, 2009 could really be my year.